another reflection

I am not quite sure why I am so reflective lately, perhaps I am trying to find meaning in my running and perhaps I am justifying why I want to push myself hard this season. What are my goals? Why am I pushing? Will I ultimately be happy with a 4:45 marathon or 4:30 marathon or whereever I end up come November 7th? I actually am worried I will be the most nervous this time around. I know waht is coming, I know what will be tough, and I know my goals are steep in terms of comparison times.

let's face it, it will be a battle.

In May 2009, I ran 5:23 at the NJ Shore
In November 2009, I ran 4:59:46 in NYC

The winter was rough for me with swine flu, chest infections, moving, losing my job. I was supposed to train all winter on speed and be a demon by now, speed demon that is.

I am no such thing. I am still in the slow Urban group. I still struggle in the heat (not sure hwo I thought that would be worked out over the winter, but I suppose I thought I would be stronger?).

I have had some positive workouts lately. In fact, Tuesdays TNT hill training (5 laps of 80th to 84th street heading counterclockwise) were EASY. No residual pain yesterday!! AT ALL! It was great weather and I actually had hoped for a harder workout. I did the intermediate workout. So that also was lame. GO FOR IT JEN! Do the advanced! Le sigh, I don't believe in myself.

Mrs Duffy (http://mrsduffysmarathonblog.blogspot.com) commented that I really beat my first marathon time by a lot my second time around on a harder course. This is going to sound funny, but I had never thought of that. I was so focused on how i BARELY made is under 5 hours and how I didnt do as well as others and thought I shouldve done better.... I failed to note my accomplishment. I PR'd by 24 min. This time around, I would love to PR by 24 min. That would be 4:35.

There's no time for goals at the moment. There is indication, but no firm goals.

Focusing on the wks ahead. This weekened we head to Cinnci for a wedding. I am running with TNT there. I think I am aiming for 10-12miles depending on weather. The week after I most likely will run a bit less in prep for the NY Bronx half. My goal time is at least 2:20. Thats my PR for a half. Which was set at my first half, grete's gallop. This year grete's gallop in October I hope to course PR by 5 min. I am excited to try!

Tonight: Urban. No idea what the workout will be. I'm hoping not tempo. I hate tempo.